oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
