I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
