come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
