My cat gives me a boner
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I supernannyed him into submission
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