Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
