My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
