"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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