Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
