hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
