I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im six kinds of drunk right now
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
