My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
