I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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