I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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