they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
