I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i think i just naturally attract stoners
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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