so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
