I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
