it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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