best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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