whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
