Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
