Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
