I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
