At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
