i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
