my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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