Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
