party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
