It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize