I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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