What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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