so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize