She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
