I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
