Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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