allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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