I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
