wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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