I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
bring money and cleavage
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
