Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
