theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
