Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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