Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have tasted many bathrooms
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize