I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
