im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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