I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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