how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
