He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
