Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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