went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
