You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
