so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
