i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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