My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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