i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I AM VODKA MAN
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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