i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
