arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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