He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
