I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
