im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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