tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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