I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
