im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this boner is exhausting
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
