My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
