Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
