Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
