is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
