it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
